Happy Mother's Day to my mom

My Quiet Tribute

Ok, so here are the lyrics I was talking about in my last blog. They're still a work in progress, but mostly finished. My Gramma will be the first to hear it. :)

My Quiet Tribute

A quiet pride.
A quiet love.
A sparkle in his eye,
that in one moment
will reach your heart.

He quietly endured.
He quietly prayed.
His final breath,
just a wall away
from his first.

This is my quiet tribute to my Grandpa.
I didn't get to tell him before,
so I wannna make sure he hears me now.
He was loved and totally adored.
This is my quiet tribute to my Grandpa.

People drove the distance.
People stood in line,
to pay their respect
to a man who gave
and lost so much.

His silent strength was known for miles.
He was an icon, in our community.
With his hands, those famous hands,
he grew hope and security.

This is my quiet tribute to my Grandpa.
I didn't get to tell him before,
so I wannna make sure he hears me now.
He was loved and totally adored.
This is my quiet tribute to my Grandpa.

I will miss you.

In Memory of my Grandpa

Kenneth Laug
Thursday, July 21, 1927 - Saturday, March 28, 2009

I've been wanting to write this blog for a few weeks now, but haven't been able to pull it together enough to get anything out. I thought I was ready today but as soon as I typed out those dates, my tears started flowing again. So, I guess I'll just work through the tears.

I still have a hard time believing that I'm not going to see him anymore on my visits home to Michigan. It's barely been a month since the doctors first discovered several large brain tumors. Almost a week after we found out about the tumors, they gave him about 2 weeks more to live, and he toughed it out for a few days short of that.

On the night of March 26, I had a dream about him. It wasn't anything detailed, and there were no words. I just kept seeing his face over and over again, and his hands. He looked like he was patiently waiting. So when I woke up, I called my family to tell them I was going to fly home the next day. I wanted to make sure I was able to see him one more time.

He passed away at 3am on the morning of March 28th. There were several of us who woke up at 3am. I believe he was saying good bye. I was just a few hours too late to say good bye in person. I've come to grips with the fact that it's going to take me awhile to get over having missed the last part of his life.

My Grandpa was such a strong man. If you didn't really know him, you'd find him rather intimidating. But he had a sparkle in his eye, even if he wasn't smiling - though usually when I saw him he had a smirk on his face. He called me "annie" from the time I was very little, and used to grab my ponytail in one hand and hold his jack knife in the other - threatening to cut it off. As a kid, I remember him taking my hand (or arm) into his huge hands and jokingly shake it and not let go. At church, as a teenager I'd make sure to give him a hug during the sign of peace because he seemed to get a kick out of it.

He put blood, sweat, and tears into his family farm, and looking through all the old pictures you know he also put his laughter and love. My dad tells me that Grandpa "picked out" my Grandma, and being an outsider of "The Ridge" it may have been a challenge. He made a good choice, she is an amazing and inspiring woman. They celebrated almost 60 years of marriage, had 8 children (4 boys and 4 girls), and 16 grandchildren (we were all born in same-sex pairs: 2 girls, 2 boys, etc.)!

My brother spent some wonderful quality time with him over the last several years, working out at the wood piles. They got to know each other, and really appreciate one another. My grandpa was very proud of my brother; they hold a special place in eachother's heart. My grandpa split wood for my dad up until the week he was diagnosed.

He set a strong example for hard work, loyalty, dedication, and appreciation. After he found out about the tumors, he took his tractor for a slow drive around his acres. The Sunday right before he passed away was the first Sunday he had missed church. He was born in the same house where he took his last breath, just a room away. He will always be remembered and loved by every person his life has touched.

Typically my emotional outlet is writing songs. I did start lyrics about my Grandpa, and hope to finish them within a few months time. I have so many more words to say, and just can't seem to get them all out yet.

Family Fun at Disney World!

Scott, Margo, Olivia, and Ethan all came down for the kids first visit to Walt Disney World - and to see me, of course. ;) It was SO MUCH FUN!!! I picked them up from the airport, and was able to spend a few days with them at the resort, Magic Kingdom, and Epcot. Then I had to work for a few days, before heading back to enjoy their last 2 days in Florida with them! Here are some of my pictures from their visit...I can't wait to see them all again soon.

Locks of Love

This morning my hair was 10 inches longer. :) I decided to donate my hair to Locks of Love again. (Even though my mom doesn't like it when I chop my hair.) I like being able to give something to someone who needs it. My hair grows pretty fast, so I may as well be growing it for a reason!

My mom's visit!

Yay! My mom came down for a week long visit, and we had lots of fun!

Her flight arrived on Saturday afternoon, so we went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner - mom's fave. If you've never had Cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory, you MUST. Then we went to the Shops at Wiregrass to window shop. This is a really REALLY cool outdoor walking mall...with major stores and a double decker Barnes & Noble.

On Sunday morning we headed to Walt Disney World for 3 nights and 4 days of fun! We stayed at Wilderness Lodge, and enjoyed great food at Coral Reef, Yachtsman Steakhouse, The Wave...just to name a few. I tried to sell mom on Contemporary Resort, with no luck. :) Everything we saw, we related it to how much fun Ethan & Olivia are going to have on their first visit!!

Wednesday night we headed back to Tampa. On Thursday and Friday, we putzed around...went shopping, out to eat, and to Clearwater Beach. It was a little chilly, but the sunshine warmed it up.

Saturday morning we had to be to the airport EARLY, so we headed out at 6 AM...the temp was only 30 degrees!! Eeeeks! Mom had a safe flight home, though ALMOST had to land in South Bend instead of Lansing due to snowfall!!

We had a great time...here are some pics of our vacation...

In with the new...

Happy New Year! It's hard to believe that it's 2009...and that I've been down in Florida for almost a year and a half. So much has changed over the last 16 months, yet one thing has been constant - my friends and family.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to keep in touch. I know it's difficult when I'm 1301 miles away now, however you have really risen to the challenge. Thank you. There have been many tough days, and some good ones as well, and it's always easier knowing there are people out there who care about and love me.

I look forward to all that this new year will bring. A new beginning. A fresh outlook. The end of sadness. Becoming my old strong self again...in a new way. Standing on my own two feet. Being firmly planted. Renewed faith, hope, trust. Moving forward. I'm trying to make the most of this time, and really do what I need to do. It's a long road most days, full of twists and turns and bumps and dead ends and u-turns... Knowing that I have support is really important to me, so even if you don't know what you're supporting me through - it just matters that you're there. So again, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I love and miss you all.
xoxo